Make Up

I made a policy many years ago never to leave the house without make up unless it was on fire. Well, actually, that's not strictly true, the policy was never to leave the house without make up unless the fire was raging through the house at a rate faster than I could apply at least a swipe of eyeliner. I adopted this policy after living in a small northland town where your average local housewife's idea of dressing to go to the shops or pub involved putting a swandri over the top of their pink pajama/track suit pants and velvet dress and the gumboots were optional. I was unaware of my royal heritage at that point, but some cellular memory took hold and told me, never NEVER lower the bar too far, even if you are living in Timbuktoo. And I do believe I have stayed true to that in even the most extreme cases. I will explain.

Firstly there was the birth of my first child. I come from very good (royal) breeding stock who are blessed with short, if rather intense, labours. I had barely two hours of the nasty stuff before the wee cherub made her way into the world. And when she did, her mother was there to greet her with earrings and what was left of her eyeliner. I had not yet discovered the bomb proof eyeliner I live by today, but what I did have held well enough, all things considered.

When my second child was due, I was living in a very isolated farmhouse, 10 kms of winding bumpy dirt road from the nearest hospital. My midwife was terrified I would have the baby somewhere between home and the main road so I was sent home with dire warnings to get in to the hospital the minute I suspected I was in labour. I woke in the morning with things well under way and contractions 5 minutes apart. Plenty of time I said to my panicked husband, to locate just the right earrings and put my make up on. He did not appreciate my sticking to "the policy". It was about then I began to see how unsuited we actually were...

And so on to husband number two. This one fully understood my need for eyeliner at all times. We had been living together for 4 years before he saw me without it. He sneaked into the bathroom after my shower, effectively cutting me off from the make up purse in the other room. Many years later it was his karma to slip off the roof of the house, swing off the spouting and kick a hole clean through the window in the lounge before landing in a heap on the garage roof. There was silence, followed by a request that I call the ambulance. This from the man who has had a total of 237 stitches and broken almost every bone in his body at some point during his life time. He does not panic easily. So when he calls for an ambulance, you get some hint that things are serious.

In spite of the fact his foot looked like it had been involved in a shark attack, he retracted his request for an ambulance and decided it would be quicker for me to drive him to the A & E. And it was. Even with a slight delay to put on earrings and eyeliner, much to my childrens horror. I figured if he had managed to get off the roof without fainting, another couple of minutes while I made myself presentable was less likely to kill him than the shock of seeing me leaving the property without my make up. Now THAT would have panicked him.

So, after all these years and several "incidents", I have come to the conclusion that there is plenty of time, even in the midst of a disaster or emergency, to apply a smidge of eyeliner. It's important to keep ones standards up - I mean, I am a Princess afterall...