Dolly

As is often the way in the Murray household, one word has multiple meanings. Today's word is "Dolly". It is my nickname for my husband and my dearest friends and it is also my own nickname. I make quirky soft dollies, zombies and monsters and the like, and I don't think they are in the least bit creepy. Today, "Dolly" took on a whole new meaning. Trawling through an online auction site in search of plastic or porcelain dolls to behead and turn into slightly macabre ornamentation, I made an alarming discovery...dolls with serious creepfactor - I'm talking "you are required to carry out some sort of manual labour" or "your mother in law is moving in for a month" creepfactor. I will explain... Below is a cross section of the dollies available on the website – I’m sure you will very quickly see my point…

Title: Gorgeous old doll

Clearly the seller is delusional or suffering from temporary blindness. Title SHOULD read, “slightly creepy dolly with uneven fake tan and man boobs”

Title: Little Princess Mould

 

Should perhaps read "Little mouldy princess"?? I'm not sure but people – I am a princess and I can assure you this bears no resemblance to me or any other royal entity except maybe the Queen Mother – three years after they buried her.

Title: Vogue Baby

 

Again – delusional. Ginger children with badly cut hair have never and WILL never be in vogue.

Title: Two old dolls

 

These two are so creepy they’ve scared the crap out of each other – either that or they are trying to run away from the small ginger child with the badly cut hair…

Title: Old Doll

 

No shit Sherlock. If she wasn’t old her title would have read “doll with flesh eating disease of the face and ugly green cardigan”. Perhaps a more fitting description but a little acidic as far as marketing slogans go...

I could go on but I don’t think I have to…like I said, major creepfactor  - you were warned. Now I am going to go and wash my eyes out with bleach and pretend I never saw some of these images.., and try NOT to shriek too loudly when someone next calls me Dolly...