Hysteria

In my last post I named a few of my favourite ailments from my Nana’s home health book “Modern medical counsellor”. A closer look at the book and it appears the enema is the cure for many an ailment and any symptom that cannot be alleviated or cured by said enema, is quickly diagnosed as hysteria. With such a wide range of symptoms attributed to hysteria, I thought it was worthy of a closer look.

According to the book, the tendency to hysteria is inherited. I can certainly relate to this, just remaining in the same room as some of my family members for two hours or longer and they have the magical ability to pass down madness...but I digress. The book has several suggestions for "what to do" in the event of hysteria. Take a seat, there is quite the little list:

1. Nervous sensitive children that show an inherited tendency to hysteria should be removed from exciting surroundings (those of you from Hamilton and Gore can relax- your children are unlikely to be affected). They should not be pushed mentally, but should be given more time to developing physically (no crossword puzzles or complicated drinking games then...) There is need of careful training in all good health habits, but especially in obedience and self-control (good lord, next they will be suggesting we use an electric collar...)

2. The diet should be liberal, but composed chiefly of fruits, whole grains, milk, eggs and fresh vegetables (good luck with that... just tell the little mite they will be living on brussell sprouts for the next 10 years unless they calm down. I’m fairly certain this will cure the hysteria very very quickly, although possibly not as quickly as the electric collar)

3. If an attack of hysteria persists (unlikely if you use the brussell sprout method), the patient should be separated from relatives, friends and other sympathisers. Rest in bed with care by a tactful nurse (translation: bitch nurse with an over abundance of facial hair) is beneficial. A twenty minute tepid bath every day is advisable, and while the patient is kept in bed she should be given a daily massage (Apart from the “tactful nurse” aspect, I am thinking this hysteria thing has its merits, no relatives and a daily massage - sounds more like a luxury retreat than a disease to me...)

4. The chief secret of success in treating hysteria is to lead the patient to get her mind off of herself and her symptoms and to get her interested in something worthwhile. The feminine pronoun is used because most patients are girls and women. (I am guessing that is because females are the ones looking after the blokes with War Gas Injuries or Ratbite Fever, in which case, you’d be bloody hysterical too mister author)

So. There you have it. Next time you or someone you know are bordering on hysteria, remove yourselves from any excitement, convert to vegetarianism, stay away from family (always a good tip for those who are a bit nervy) and think of mother England.